Showing posts with label Conversation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conversation. Show all posts

Monday, February 25, 2008

What is a host?

The Conversation Week month of searching for the most important questions in the world today is coming to a close. In a week, the top ten will be selected, though the top 50 should live on somewhere... and even the 600 amazing questions submitted.

Now the month of getting 400 or more hosts signed up to bring Conversation Week to their communities (hopefully on all seven continents) begins. Thousands of people in our networks (the Conversation Cafe, Conversation Week, Global Mindshift, Gaia.com, Facebook, YouTube, QuantumshiftTV and Lord knows where else) will be encouraged to sign up to host. Last year there were probably hundreds of conversations we had no idea were happening - people just participated. Signing up makes them part of the annual global experiment to learn how people around the world can be in respectful dialogue about the worlds most important questions.

But what is a host? How can we communicate what a host is or does so that people realize that's precisely what they do or want to do - but never knew there were others worldwide also persistently holding space for brilliance to arise in human conversation.

Hosts do it in Conversation Cafes, of course, but they also do it in the streets. They talk to people. They invite their views. They ask questions. The observe out loud the world of the bus stop or grocery line or conference break in such a way that others want to add their own views. They make conversational "stone soup".

As the "stone soup" story goes, a group of dirty, weary bums in a railroad yard were standing around a fire and a pot of boiling water, wishing they had something to eat. One guy says, "Hey, we can make stone soup. Here. I've got a few great stones I've save to put in." and he pulls some stones from his pocket, puts them in the pot and sniffs. Mmmm. Another guy then pulls out some carrots he scavenged from Dumpster Diving. Seeing that, someone else takes a few potatoes out of his sack, cuts them with a pocket knife, mumbles "here's some taters" and puts them in. Moments pass and another guy who'd hung back pulls out a whole roasted chicken he'd been intending to eat when the others weren't looking. He borrows the knife, cuts it up and tosses it, bones and all, in the pot. Finally a kid throws in some wild greens he'd just picked... and they enjoyed Stone Soup. When it was all gone but the stones, the first fellow took them back. Never know when you'll need to start another pot.

Hosting is gathering at the fire, inviting people to warm themselves around it, putting on a pot (a container like the process and agreements of the CC) and drop in the first stone - a powerful questions. Conversation Cafes are soul food for hungry minds. They are intelligent conviviality for hungry souls.

I host conversations - at cafes, in my home, with strangers - because it's who I am, not what I do. I can't help it. I am always hosting. I am always inviting others to make meaning with me. I am always asking questions and listening to the answers, always wondering what others think and feel. The world of bustling humans is to me like a vast ocean of hidden meaning. I want to know what people understand of the events of their lives. I want to know the stories others tell themselves about this world we live together in. I want to go out of my mind, to fall out of my certainties for a while and into the conjectures of others. I am willing to be humbled, again and again, by how narrow and harsh and demanding my mind can become, because on the other side of that brittle, lonely place is love. Okay, there it is. Last year in Conversation Week one participant mused, "This feels different than I imagined. This is more than conversation. More than friendship even. This feels like love." I host because I love.

Here are some other thoughts about who you and I are as hosts:
  • Hosts aren't made, they're born... whenever one person listens to another without interrupting and discovers that warm witness inside is actually listening to them listen to the other.
  • Hosts aren't born, they're made... we can host a Conversation Cafe by the book and discover that at some point we aren't doing hosting, we are hosting. It's like learning to dance. At first you're all feet. And then you're flying.
  • A host brings everyone to the table to have the conversation none can yet imagine yet all know must be had.
  • A host is the grown up in the room, the one who shines by allowing others to shine.
  • A host invites others to break bread and make meaning.
  • A host has the courage to not know. And admit it. And ask.
  • A host isn't a not-know-it-all.
  • A host puts others at ease with their thoughts.
  • A host removes what’s in the way of people offering their brilliance to the world.
  • A host listens on behalf of the collective.
  • A host is hospitable, makes space for others to be at ease.
  • A host hospices the brittle, dying ideas that arrive, exhausted to the table.
  • A host is a leader of those who will lead once she is gone

What is a host to you?


Friday, February 15, 2008

Pick the Questions for Conversation Week

Hey everyone, please go to http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=vZIiOzEV1pL0LV_2f17vLcLQ_3d_3d and rate the 50 questions there (selected from 600 submissions from around the world) to help select the 10 most important questions in the world today. And then send the link to 10 more friends... and ask them to send it to ten more. Imagine hundreds of thousands of people in the next two weeks voting on these questions. Imagine knowing the list we'll use for Conversation Week includes questions people the world around really loved! And then imagine hosting a conversation where you live.

Why conversation matters

You'd think with all the words spoken every day we'd have this "conversation" thing down. But conversations that really matter, that change a mind or heart or course of events, are rare. I live for those moments of shift, when my own or another's certainties fall away and something fresh and true-er is spoken. I love to rattle my own cage gently until something stuck breaks loose - and really listening to what another says without any need to say anything back is a great way to do that. That's one reason why I started the Conversation Cafes in the Summer of 2001. To chew on good ideas with others. To feast on insights. To relish discovery. To invite the muse of conversation to light once again in this land of babble.

Babble. I got curious about how many words we do say in a day. Here's two estimates:
  • The average woman speaks around 5000 words per day whereas the average male speaks around 2000. Apparently. (Source: Men are Lunatics, Women are Nuts)
  • Working males average 2000-3000, females from 10,000-20000. However, both average about 500-700 words of actual value (i.e. words which have intent to communicate to another person an item of importance to both). (Source: book "Men are Pigs)
So women say about 5000 words a day but only 500 matter? No wonder I wanted to increase the meaning per minute in my days, the value of the words I hear and speak. No wonder I joined with two friends, Habib and Susan, in the summer of 2001, to invent the Conversation Cafes.

So here we are, over 7 years later, doing Conversation Week again, hoping tens of thousands more people will join us figuratively at the table to feast on conversations that matter. Hoping that thousands of people will take on the experiment Habib, Susan and I did - what if we took ourselves into public places like cafes and invited others to our tables and surfaced important questions and listened deeply and explored with curiosity and openess and discovered a kind of friendship and wisdom that's rare.

These seemingly simple, sometimes a bit awkward, conversations do something so important for us.
  • They open and change our minds. We rally around "change" but deep, sustained and real change is not a spectator sport or armchair travel. It requires real honesty and humility.
  • They expose us to people not like us and our friends. If we are lucky, people will come to our Conversation Cafes who actually see the world differently - shocking us into realizing that we do not know everything. To know something, you have to first know nothing - be hungry for answers. God we are so sure of ourselves, our words being used mostly to deBAT one another or to impress one another or to simply treat one another like empty receptacles to be filled with our ongoing narration of daily life.
  • We make new friends. When it comes to being truly seen and understood, many of us are darn lonely - even if we have parties... and are the life of them. Building up layers of respectful listening can bring us into real relationship with others who may never be our lovers or our pals, but can be friends to our thoughts.
  • We are listened to without argument. People give us a chance to gather our thoughts and finish our sentences and when we are done, the just nod and hold silence for a bit before speaking.
More on this later. for now, please do go to www.conversationweek.org and see what's cookin.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

What is the Most Important Question in the World Today?

Here's my post inviting people to submit and vote on questions, posted at www.conversationweek.org

What is the Most Important Question in the World Today?

admin | Questions | Wednesday, February 6th, 2008

Talk about herding cats. It’s hard to know if we humans will ever agree on who we are, what we believe, where we are headed and how to get there. But with over 30 significant wars raging globally, a human population topping 6.6 billion and oil, water and other reserves dwindling there are some very important conversations we just need to have. Conversation Week is that one time a year when the table is set for people to talk with strangers and friends about the most important questions in the world today. Of course, who can agree what those questions should be? That’s why we are asking thoughtful people — like you — to suggest potential questions, and asking people who care — like you — to vote on them and then inviting people who can listen and be curious — like you — to host conversations.

Conversation Week began in 2002 to launch the Conversation Cafes in Seattle, Washington. Then, 9-11 was on everyone’s mind. Since then we hosted CWs in 2003, 2007 and now 2008. The questions from last year (with some answers from around the world) are later on this blog. Reports from prior CWs are at www.conversationcafe.org.

Don’t pass up the chance to submit a question before Feburary 12, vote on your top pick questions from February 14-27 and host a conversation during Conversation Week March 24-30.

2 Comments

  • How can we bring the world together across all of the traditional boundaries that have divided us to address the issue of climate security for ourselves, our children, and future generations?

    Comment by Juanita Brown — February 10, 2008 @ 5:48 am
  • One thing we all have in common - even if to different degrees - is technologies based on science. All the time since the renaissance and indeed much earlier too , the aim of science has been to understand nature and so to control it. That dominance over nature is what all nations are following; and while it hase done so much undoubted good - most of us would not be here today without it - it has also brought us to this brink of wrecking life on earth. Take farming as an example: fantastic progress in green revolutioon and breeding new varieties based on the science of fertilisation of crops. Alongside this has been another science; that of the life of the soils and the fungal and bacterial associations with plants and their nutrition. This science has been largely neglected in application. There is no purely scientific way to choose between the two scientific appproaches - the first to overcome and short-circuit natures’ mechanisms, the other to harness them. To make this more popularly appreciated, I am proposing that we need another name for the second science, to contrast with conventional science. And I propose ‘convivial science’, meaning ‘with life’. Since this word has so many other connotations, maybe someone can come up with another. Meanwhile I am writing up this argument more fully.

    Comment by Ulrich Loening — February 15, 2008 @ 6:16 pm

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

BRAZIL, BRUNTLAND AND THE POWER OF THE FEMININE

Last night in Sao Paulo I heard Gro Harlem Bruntland speak, invited by the BANCO REAL, a Brazilian bank that is leading the financial institution pack in implementing sustainable development.

For those who don’t know Bruntland’s name, she led the UN World Commission on Environment and Development in the mid 80’s in the search for win-win-win rather than zero sum solutions to economic growth, social justice among a growing population and environmental integrity. They held hearings around the world (not in the US as here there was no support) and published 20 years ago the watershed OUR COMMON FUTURE which brought forth the global conversation about and conversion to sustainable development. She went on to head the World Health Organization and participated in the UN Commission on Global Threats.

I encountered this report in 1989 at the Globescope Pacific Assembly – the first US hearing on it – and it changed the direction of my life. I learned there from the UN and NGO glitterati that the biggest driver of unsustainable development was the level and pattern of consumption in North America, but, given our economy’s addiction to consumerism, that problem couldn’t be touched with a ten foot pole. Yet there I was, in the back row, knowing that Joe Dominguez’s financial program had, for a decade, helped thousands of Americans lower their consumption by 20% and have a better life. I was on a mission!

Needless to say, I was thrilled to have the chance to hear her assessment 20 years later.

Overall, she was firm, clear and determined. Given how deep we are now into unsustainability, I found her measured positive outlook inspiring – if only for the dignity of it.

She started by talking about Al Gore and the IPCC winning the Nobel Peace Prize (in her country) 10 days ago. Gore, she noted, awakened the conscience of the world. The IPCC demonstrated what a respected international institution, working steadily for years across boundaries and cooperatively, can do in creating change. She seemed to be saying need morality, good science and resolve to change in these times of threat.

She then reviewed other recent Nobel Peace winners – Wangaari Mathai, Shirin Ebadi and Mohammed Yunus – pointing out that now Peace in this world is far beyond simply resolving conflicts, but has to do with environment, human rights and closing the gap between the rich and the poor. Peace is now connected to every issue facing us – they are all connected. She also pointed out that these three laureates mobilized women for peace – and the essential role of women as both the victims of “man-made” crises and the strongest voices for a more whole-system way forward.

She went on to talk about her roles after the WCED. As the head of the WHO she participated in the first global convention on health regarding tobacco. Having worked on both UN and US government consensus documents that involved hours of debate over every word only to have the final reports gather dust, doing nothing to change anything in the short term, I have sworn to never again pour months of my life into such apparently useless palaver. Yet hearing her I saw that work from the view of a woman and bureaucrat who stakes her life and reputation and hope for the future on building institutions with good governance practices that can, over time, with patience and resolve, move the world steadily towards justice and sustainability. I could see that forming commissions, developing clear principles of operation (respect, transparency, fairness and such), developing clear objectives/targets/timelines, engaging the research community in providing high integrity, accurate information, issuing recommendations that are then monitored and hopefully resourced – all of this slowly moves the human enterprise towards comprehensive solutions. In short, I admired and went to school on her maturity, patience and reason.

She told the story of the WHO’s response to SARS. She called the outbreak a ‘sharp, short shock’ and as such it mobilized a collaborative effort across normally competing governments and labs which, in 6 brief months, eliminated the threat. This story showed how human systems, once mobilized to address a clear threat, are capable of miracles.

In her view, Global Warming is such a whole system shock that must be addressed. It creeps upon us so response has been too little by a very long shot, but now the sharp short shocks of Katrina and the IPCC report and the Stern Report and the rapidly melting glaciers and ice caps has the world on alert. She recounted her work on Global Threats that showed that there is no such thing as an isolated threat anymore – that terrorism for America is not isolated from starvation or environmental refugees or droughts. We are in an interconnected world and Global Warming is the perfect expression of how we need shared solutions to this biggest threat to our collective survival.

She recounted as well the story of smokestacks in the industrializing UK. Health officials showed how the smoke was affecting the health of the villages around factories so they solved the problem by building taller smoke stacks. The villagers’ health improved… however the downwind countries like Norway were now feeling the effects. A great deal of debate and demands and denials ensued until the science minister told Margaret Thatcher that beyond a shadow of a doubt the downwinder’s claims were correct. She could no longer assert the science was equivocal and not be caught with her knickers down. Soon she promised to reduce sulfur by 30%. In other words, Bruntland was showing us again and again how solid science coupled with consistent pressure from public and private sectors coupled with democratic processes can and will solve our problems.

But, she absolutely added, we haven’t a moment to lose. What is now different is that we know that we have a global warming problem. That debate is over. Even Bush, she said, has changed some of his tune this last year (though with great restraint she did not add “but not enough by a long shot”). So we must mobilize the world community to face this threat while strengthening democratic institutions.

On the face of it, this was nothing new, nothing bold, nothing dramatic. But as a wise global grandmother she was taking us all by the ear and sending us upstairs to wash our faces of lies and clean up our dirty hands (our actions).

THE RETURN OF THE FEMININE

This message so resonated with insights I had over the weekend in Florianopolis. Three days ago I engaged in an all-night ceremony with musicians and singers chanting and praying and seeking visions for their lives, supported by the most amazing lightening and thunder storm that sent buckets of purifying rain down upon the hut we were in. Pachamama, Mother Earth, they said, was calling us. The phrase “longing for limits” came to me in the night as I contemplated the very global, interconnected and seemingly out of control problems that Bruntland feels we can address through good science, good governance and good will. Our Western Enterprise looked to me like children – boys mostly – out of control on a playground, exhausting themselves, engaging in ever more destructive games, sensing danger but unable as a gang to stop themselves. A sort of Lord of the Flies scenario but instead of sticks and stones we are playing with weapons and wealth and carving up the spoils of the earth while ignoring the obvious longer term consequences. Deep inside, like spent children, we know we have to stop but as long as the frenzy continues, stopping seems more dangerous than keeping on. I could see that the mature feminine – the mother or grandmother – needs to bring her full compassion coupled with stern rebuke, saving the boys from their mounting violence by telling them they must stop, come inside and go to bed. Now! Some aspect of humanity must call a halt to the dangerous games and men in gangs are notoriously unable to stop themselves from collective evil that no one of them would ever commit on his own. Mob violence unleashed. Only the grandmothers – the mature feminine – can call these boys to account. Only the grandmothers can forgive them their excesses – knowing they themselves are heartsick, spent and lost - while making them face the consequences and clean up their damage.

Many these days recognize that the feminine – be it in women or men – is the antidote to the hyper-masculine domination of the earth and her peoples. Women are finding in themselves new strength to confront the wrongs without vengeance or fear. Women are finding their voices, singing sweetness as well as saying in no uncertain terms what must be done. Women are exercising the power of the mature feminine, unmovable yet full of love. Women are the creators and preservers of life. They care for the family. The steward the resources so all the children flourish. They are wired for whole system thinking and connectivity – the very qualities that Bruntland in her own way both demonstrates and calls for. The woman knows how to hold, contain and constrain with fair, no nonsense love. I could feel in myself, in this most warm and feminine place – Brazil – a call to be in my own way a grandmother to my rowdy tribe of guys. And I got from the gathered group a profound reflection of this same energy I carry – of warmth, compassion, love and clear calling to account. These don’t feel like marching orders. These feel like rocking orders. Like gathering in with love those I might touch through my words and actions, making them safe and also making them look at, mourn and correct the messes we’ve made.

OTHER CONVERSATIONS

The evening before this powerful ritual I spoke to a dozen people about consumerism and the YMOYL approach to recovering from this powerful addiction. These days, as I pay more attention to the complex issues around Peak Oil, I see how oil has been our binge food of choice. It has enabled this massive expansion beyond our social and biological limits. I used to see credit cards - unsecured debt - as the biggest enabler of excess but I now see below that the gush of oil through the human enterprise and of course, the ideology of 'freedom as no limits' as key components.

A fascinating dialogue ensued between a sociologist and an Earth Mother artist woman. It was about Bolivia. In his view, a social and political approach is needed to the wealth gap to lift the poorest people out of poverty. He cited Bolivia where apparently the poverty is comparatively profound. He had statistics to prove it. The artist, who had traveled extensively in Bolivia, begged to differ! In her view, the subsistence way of life there supported rather than inhibited people's survival. To her, the culture was rich, the communities strong. To him, infant mortality was high and diets were restricted. It showed me again how our worldviews influence our strategies for 'fixing' what is clearly going wrong globally. Were these people my artist friend saw as rich impoverished? It reminded me of my first trip to Latin America when I had an opportunity to take take a journey with a shaman in Ecuador. A sociologist would have judged his family and tribe in the worst condition possible - all sleeping on one platform bed in a hut without walls, the children dirty, the women clearly serving men who lounged around 'doing nothing.' Yet within the space of the ceremony was the richest, more lavish experience of the divine one could ever imagine. One way I resolved that incongruity - and still do - is to ask myself, an educated and relatively well off westerner, to use my knowledge, capacities, intelligence, skills and connections to make sure the way of life the Achuar prefer continues to be available to them. To make sure they have the money to send representatives for their interests to international meetings, to make sure their stories are told in ways that bring respect and protection to them. And all the while, making sure i am open to what they have to teach me so that my life can be ever more beautiful and useful and humble.

Then, on my way back to Sao Paulo from Floripa I was stuck in the airport waiting for two hours, fortunately by a young man who spoke flawless English. He's a middle class Brazilian who has taken to studying and playing the stock market to better himself - a real critic of central government planning (that's spelled corruption, by the way) and a real booster of the free market's capacity to create wealth and well being. He gave as an example iron mining in Brazil, a major extractive industry. He criticized the locals for their resistance to the big corporation engaged in mega extraction. If they aren't getting enough money, well, it's their leader's fault for filching it, not the corporation's fault since they are being quite generous with the local people. I told him two stories from my own experience. First, how the American military, when negotiating treaties with Native Americans, had to first rearrange the Indian's culture of decision making since they had no leaders who were empowered to negotiate with the hierarchical army - they decided as a community using consensus. Eventually the army had to find those in the tribe most willing to sell the others out for a price, name them chiefs and having them sign papers that held up in hierarchical American courts of law. And so the West was lost to those who lived there. The other was how tribes in Ecuador are successfully resisting the oil companys' claims on the oil under their parts of the jungle. To whom do resources belong? To the people who live in the land, or to corporations with money to exploit whatever resources there are wherever they are? The young man smiled at both stories. "Of course you are right" he said. Here again are the clashes of cultural norms that reveal very different stories about fairness and the good life. I am ever with the question of a way forward that has integrity.

IN SAO PAULO
These next few days I will give several talks in and around Sao Paulo to large groups of people. I now have copies of the Portuguese translation of YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE in hand; it is beautiful … and I can even read it. I hope to mobilize my masculine capacity to make waves with my feminine capacity to make hearts melt – we shall see.